Passing on Your Faith

"Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come."

--Psalm 71:18

Our most precious duty as parents who know Christ is to pass that knowledge on to our children.  I think we all realize this fact, but we struggle on how to do it.  Here is an interesting take on how not to do it:

5 Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Church

Let's turn those five things around and look at ways to help your kids love Jesus...

1.  Make sure you live out your faith in public and at home.

You kids should see that Jesus is central to your life and important regardless of where you are or who you are around.  Kids grow weary of church when they see it as something they are forced to do, that is there to reinforce or give launching points for parental lectures, and then has no impact on the rest of your week.  The Bible instructs parents to talk about the Lord, his promises, and our history with him "...when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deuteronomy 6:7)--in other words, all the time.  When your home is saturated with the love of God and the Word of God, your kids will take notice, and you and your household will be changed.

2.  Pray with your children in private; let them know you pray alone, too.

The blogger wrote (sarcastically),

"The only times you need to pray are when your family is over, holiday meals, when someone is sick, and when you want something. Besides that, don’t bother. Your kids will see you pray when other people are watching, no need to do it with them in private."

Your kids will learn to love Jesus when you show them that you genuinely love him.  And that comes through consistent communication with him.  It's good for your kids to know that Daddy or Mommy aren't available while they read their bible and pray in the morning.  It's good for them to pray with you about the good things that happen in the day as well as for what they need.  Let them pray that their game won't be rained out or thank God in their prayers for their toys (that's important because it teaches them that God really cares about them and their lives), and also teach them to pray about things they are learning from the Bible (like the Bible stories you read to them at home and what they learn at church).

3.  Focus on relationship more than rules

Again, I have to quote the blogger's remarks:

Make sure you insist your kids be honest with you. Let them know it is the right thing for them to do, but then feel free to lie in your own life and disregard the need to tell them and others the truth. Get very angry with your children when they say words that are “naughty” and “bad,” but post, read, watch, and say whatever you want on TV, Facebook, and Twitter. Make sure you focus on being a good person. Be ambiguous about what this means.

The blog's point is "don't be hypocritical," but I want to take it a step further.  When children are very young, they need very firm rules.  They don't understand nuance, so they need rules and consequence.  But from a very early age, they start to learn how to get around rules, learning to comply "technically" (but not in spirit) or to cover their tracks.  But eventually they have to learn that they obey you not because of the rules or consequences but because of the relationship.  They learn to trust that you know what is best for them and their love for you makes them fear disappointing you.  The same thing goes for our relationship with God.  Kids need to see that the reason you take integrity before God seriously is because you love and trust him.  This truth is mostly communicated by the choices you make, but it is essential that you tell them your motivations as well.

4.  Rebel against the idolatry of this age

Proverbs 19:22 says, "Better to be poor than a liar."  We prove that we are not lying when we say we love God by the choices we make with our finances, in what we give, our generosity to others, and the purchases we make.  The god of America is consumption, and your kids will learn early on that there are things out there to be purchased that are new, shiny, and fun.  Teaching your kids to tithe (give a tenth) of their income back to God through the church is only the first step in teaching your kids to worship Jesus rather than America's god.  People with less in America often become obsessed with money because of what they don't have, and the affluent become obsessed with the possibility of getting more.  When kids see that you are generous toward God and toward people, when you live simply, refusing to try to keep up with never-ending train of what's "next," when you give sacrificially for those in need and for the kingdom of God, or when kids see you rush out and buy the next gadget, when they hear the way you talk about clothes or foods or cars, and when you indulge them in helping them keep up with their friends or the advertisements they see, you are teaching them about what makes "the good life."  America says it can be bought with money.  What do you say? 

5.  Commit to the Body of Christ

Even more so than money, time is the language of love.  Time is where priorities are really shown and played out.  Our kids need to know that we as parents value them by spending time with them.  And they need to see that we value Jesus by the time we spend with him at home and the commitment we have to spending time at church as a part of the Body of Christ.  We take time to worship God with others every week, without exception, not because it is a rule to follow but because we love God and we love our friends and church.  This habit might make kids "hate church" at times when they are dragged to church when they want to be doing something else, but if we as parents do the other things right, the tide will eventually turn.

From the blog:

Hey, you are a church-going family, right? I mean, that’s what you tell your friends and family anyways. Make sure you attend on Sundays. As long as you didn’t stay up too late Saturday night. Or your family isn’t having a big barbeque. Or the big game isn’t on. Or this week you just don’t feel like it. Or... I mean, you’re a church-going family, so what’s the big deal?

Christians need one another.  We need people in our lives that hold us accountable, who look out for us, who care about us and for us, and who model Jesus to us and our children.  The place we find these people is in the fellowship of a local church.  It is in the church that your children should be able to see how you build and maintain healthy relationships, how to overlook offenses, how to agree to disagree at times, how to forgive, and how to love through all the messiness of life.  And when kids go through the natural "breaking away" period as teenagers, if you have involved them in the life of the church, they will have more than one relationship with an adult in the church that they know loves them that will help bring them back or keep them in line--they may not want to listen to you, but the other connections with Christians in the church will form a net to keep your kids from falling too far.

Concluding thoughts

People often return to the church as young parents because they feel like "getting the kids in church" will help their kids turn out right.  But parents who do that often distance themselves from the church's influence on their own hearts and are disappointed with the results with their kids.  The point of these blog posts (both the link and mine) are that parents are the primary spiritual influence for their kids as they grow up.  No children's program or youth minister can replace a parent with a visible, authentic relationship with Jesus.  For those with grown children and/or grandchildren, the impact is diminished but still present.  God designed his truth to be passed down from one generation to the next.  This work begins less with where you bring your kids physically and more where a parent stands spiritually with Christ.